wario has called a team meeting to enlist the help of the ware crew to take over diamond city, tempting them with cool uniforms and promises of treasure and lunch beyond their wildest dreams. having nothing better todo (and tanking hard on the charts), all but lulu agree to the new business model. they make quick work of the place and set up headquarters along the coast.
mario catches wind of his old rival’s schemes when a toad (in an homage to super paper mario’s opening) gets the news to mario asap. mario feels an obligation to his hometown and gets right on the case. luigi doesnt come because.mario encounter the game boys getting distracted on [yknow...nintendo console] the boys are a little starstruck upon encountering mario. mario, never having met wario’s ware crew, is a little concerned;
“aren’t you kids-a worried about-a the villains around?”
hearing this, the boys remember their job and swing into attack mode. mario realizes that they’re accomplices of wario’s, and tries to talk them out of villainy. they insist on having a proper battle as “anti-hero law” states.
the battle breaks up when 5-volt furiously pulls 9v away with 18v in tow. she was apparently unaware of warioware’s new direction, as she had been unconscious through the team meeting. she apologizes for the kids’ actions and aways with them.
as mario’s moving on, he sees movement among the rubble. he yanks out the object, and it turns out to be Doris 1. she introduces herself and explains her creator had abandoned her in his haste to pursue villainy. mario amiably invites her to join him, which she accepts bitterly.
as they’re progressing towards the conspicuous hq, they’re swept off in the opposite direction on a scooter being tailed by a fleet of police cars. mona, naturally.
(mario is frankly surprised to discover this city has a police force.)mona shouts for him to help her out. mario, being a goody two shoes, refuses and insists he defeat her. mona’s gang (consisting of joe, art, deco, and the weird weasel things) take mario on while mona shakes the feds.mario has a mini fight with the gang. once mona’s caused proper pandemonium, she turns to face the mustache himself.
but, distracted driving is a properly heinous crime! mona slams her bike into a wall (which responsible ole mario narrowly avoids) and the rest of her squad slam comedically after her. she ultimately decides that a career in evil without health insurance was a bad idea in retrospect, and backs off to get her many broken bones dealt with.
as they draw closer to the hq, they’re forced to take cover and stumble into a warehouse to hide. they find what looks to be the set for a horror movie. in the middle of a scene. disrupting it entirely. a mean little witchy girl confronts them for screwing her scene up and throws a mighty fit. she dramatically introduces herself as the great actress and even greater witch ashley. and reveals her broom to be the juvenile imp Red. she also reveals her wario affiliation (he happens to be the man that funded all this). Ashley realizes who mario is, and begrudgingly pauses production to face him.
after defeating her, mario admits how engrossed he was in battle, and gives accolades to ashley for her skill in both magic and dramatizing the fight. ashley blushes, calls for an indefinite lunch break, and whisks away.
as the two are leaving, they’re stopped by a tiny and mysterious cameraman. she tentatively asks what they think they’re doing, and-
doris identifies her as lulu, from work.
lulu frowns and pulls her hood away. she says she’s been working her way towards wario, and was impressed by mario’s ability to both defeat and placate wario’s lackeys time and time again. she offers to join the party, which mario happily accepts
“a-wait. have you been-a followin us this whole-a time?”
“yeesh dude! ya want my help or nawt!?”
we cut to wario, who has been carefully monitoring his workers and mario.
(well, he’s been yelling at the screen while jimmy covers his eyes every time a ware employee got hurt)
wario decides he needs to step up, and sends kat and ana on an important big kid mission. a devious big kid mission.
the trio suddenly find themselves in a suspiciously quiet clearing. before they reach the end, lulu gets snatched up bu two mysterious figures. lulu hurls profanities at them as they carry her off to a distant treehouse. they chase after her (getting thrown completely off course) and finally arrive to save lulu.
two ninjas burst from their disguises and stand before our heroes.
“ninjutsu!”
“i’m kat!”
“and i’m ana!”
“like the sword!”
mario is incredulous.
“where are your-a parents?”
the girls scoff to each other
“you’re facing us today! prepare for the garlicky taste of defeat!”
mario consults doris, who simply shrugs.
“where’s-a lulu!?”
kat crosses her arms
“uh-uh! you can’t see her! boss’s orders!”
“mamma mia...” mario is having a hard time uderstandong how wario garnered such a loyal following... he glances to the conspicuous light at the top of the treehouse, and decides he has to reach it.
battle ensues as mario jumps from branch to branch while dodging an onslaught of shurikens, blades, and occasional woodland animals.
when mario reach the top, he finds lulu... atop a cushy sofa surrounded by stuffed animals for company.
oh, and her mouth is duct taped and she’s tied up, too.
he has a final showdown with kat and ana.
after being freed, lulu demands that the twins apologize for kidnapping her. kat gets huffy but ana bursts into tears, apologizing profusely. lulu quickly forgives her.kat sighs and offers the compensation of a humble golf cart, “we weren’t using it anyway...”
as the trio try to retrace their steps puttering along on their sweet new ride, they hear something off in tne distance. something familiar...
...it’s wario! it is clearly, undeniably, wario’s distinct german-italian croaking! and he does not sound happy!
they take off in the direction of wario’s voice, but are disappointed to find that it’s only coming from a video call. uh oh, more lackeys! lulu raises her eyebrows
“that’s mister mantis!” she seems enamored, “‘n’ cricket... i can’t believe they’re part ‘o this!”
yet...they seem to be having a disagreement...team mario decides to wait and listen.
“WAH! i don’t-a care about your morals! you’re in too deep to just-a back down now!”
mantis shakes his head,
“you brought that little luxeville girl into your treachery... i’m starting to understand that you have been dealing more damage than this is worth...”
cricket nods sadly.
lulu scoffs “‘luxeville girl’? i have a name!”
before wario can chew out his underlings some more, he catches sight of our heroes.
“HEY!! CRRRUSH THOSE STUPID DO-GOODERS!”
mantis begins to protest, but wario hangs up before he gets a word in.
(...)
they all decide to have an honorable spar together
they part with no hard feelings after defeating cricket. although, team mario is feeling awfully lost...
“oh,” cricket checks his cool villainous (yet practical) watch, “miss penny and her, uh, brother are having a performance of sorts in just minutes!”
doris frowns, but mario listens optimistically.
”head that way and keep an eye out for it! be warned... they were especially tempted towards the path of evil...”
mario sighs, thanks cricket and mantis for their help, and gallantly drives his team towards the show.
wario is unfortunately one step ahead of them, and in a flash a couple o’ cabbies are upon our heroes!
[???]
lulu: “try threatenin’ their car, it’ll scare ‘em into forfeitin’!
mario: “isn’t it a little-a dubious to exploit the financial anxiety of the working class to offer an ultimately-a lose-a-lose ultimatum?”
lulu:
doris:
mario:.....OKAY,
(...)
they arrive on the scene. it’s dusk now, yet the pop-up stage (one may even call a micro stage) sparkles on from forever away.
(...)
penny huffs as the show is interrupted, but quickly composes herself.
“soooo, you’re the man that mr. wario’s after? im so pleased to meet you!”
“[I AM DETECTING HIGH LEVELS OF DORKINESS.]”
penny crosses her arms, “mikey, be nice! this is THE guy that’s been giving OUR boss the runaround all day!”
she extends her arm, “i’m penny! penny crygor! this is my brother mike!”
mario looks to mike, then to penny, then back and forth again. seems legit...
just how many grade-schoolers has wario managed to employ?!
“well, ah, i’m-a mario! it’s good(?) to meet y-“
“[DORIS?]”
“omg doris!”
the duo blow past mario and lulu to grill doris.
“are you okay?”
“[WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM.]”
“where have you been?”
“[HAHA. YOU MUST’VE BEEN THE DORK I DETECTED.]”
doris shys behind mario.
“[you had left me behind... mario pulled me out of some rubble.]”
penny and mike look at each other.
“jeez, we’re sorry!” penny says earnestly
mike nods noncommittally
“howzabout you get over here and help us destroy mr. mario, then you can join us onstage!”
doris stepped back defiantly,
“[i refuse to join your team.]”
penny gasps and mike rolls his eyes (somehow).
“[LET ME GUESS. THIS IS A REVENGE PLOT AGAINST CRYGOR AGAIN.]"
penny looks hurt, “doris! you wouldn’t sabotage us just to hurt grandpa, would you!?”
lulu and mario feel a little awkward.
doris looks to mario and lulu confidently, “[let’s do this.]”
penny drops her peppy guise briefly and grits her teeth.
“FINE! we’ll WALLOP you! and this ADORING AUDIENCE”—the crowd cheers on cue—“will watch you get GROUND into DUST!” the audience bursts into applause, whooping and hollering
mario tugs his collar, “is she always this-a"-
“intense?” interrupts lulu, “sure, she can change ‘er mood like a freakin chameleon on prozac!”
“thats-a... good to know...”
they initiate battle, pop music blaring the whole time.
when they're at the end of their rope, penny grows even more upset. mike changes to a mech form operated by penny.
after defeating them, short-circuiting mike, destroying their hypnotic pop music and turning the crowd against them, penny will have a full fit. she starts hurling attacks at mario. after finally knocking her down, the once “adoring fans” begin to boo and jeer and throw stuff.
penny ducks behind mike’s spazzed mech to hide from the onslaught and slides to the ground pouting.
mario places his hands on his hips,
"i'ma hoping you learned a good lesson tonight!"
penny chews her hair busily,
"...it was an astronomic catastrophe, certainly..."
mario peers around mike, speaking gently,
"i suppose you've-a gotta give this up now?"
penny gets up and dusts herself off,
"i suppose you’re right, mister mario. i don't mind too terribly. i'll surely feel more satisfied when i put in the work and become a real popstar!"
mario feels relieved she seems to have calmed down. he sheepishly remembers the state he left mike in, stepping back to ineptly assess the damage
"is he-a going to be okay?" mario frets
"bah," penny leans casually against mike, "he's been roughed up waayyy worse than this. no worries!"
doris hesitantly steps before penny. they both seem keen on speaking to one another, but before either gets a word in, the lot catch sight of something in the sky.
WARIOWARE IS COOL. <- SO TRUE :3